You just got rejected from your dream school: Now what?

Let’s get right to it. You’ve been rejected from the college of your dreams. What do you do now? Scream? Cry yourself to sleep? Make a sad post to your finsta or private Snapchat story? Sit in a vegetative state for hours on end until your parent or guardian comes to check on you?

Never fear. As a senior, I’ve been through this and I’m here to help you figure it out, too. Together we’ll go through the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance and figure out ways to cope.

Denial

Wait, what? No. This can’t be happening!

Denial happens when you had hope in the first place, so if the college you are being rejected from is one you weren’t expecting to get into anyway, you can skip this step and go straight to depression. However, if this school was your dream school, rejection hurts a lot more. With denial, sometimes it helps to sit alone and process your emotions for a bit. Listen to some calming music and write about how you’re feeling. Sometimes having things on paper helps you sort things out. Do things that you know will help you calm down.

Anger

*lashing out at people who had nothing to do with this*

With anger, there are usually two ways people handle it: internalizing or externalizing. People who internalize their anger tend to blame things on themselves. People who externalize their anger tend to take it out on others and make rash decisions. Either way, it’s necessary to find a healthy outlet for your anger. Instead of yelling at people and making conflict, find something inanimate (and soft) to punch. Instead of blaming yourself, try thinking through your negative thoughts logically. If it helps you, take some time to yourself. Do what you need to do to best help yourself.

Bargaining

Maybe I can reapply? Maybe I can promise the university my first born child and they’ll let me in?

Bargaining isn’t always promising prized possessions to a deity. It’s more like you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for any last minute options to change the outcome. The thing is: you can’t. You can’t change anything that’s already happened. You’re just making yourself miserable by thinking this way. It’s hard to stop the spiral of negative thoughts, but there are ways to make it better. The tips at the end of this article might help you distract yourself from your sadness.

Depression

Why am I so stupid?

This is the stage where you realize there’s nothing you can do and everything starts spiralling downward. Usually, this is when the ugly crying begins. Or, if you’re like me, the staring at nothing for hours on end. It’s where you think about all the things you could have done and regretting every single chance you let go. However, the one thing to keep in mind is that you can’t change the past. It’s best to move on. This may seem cheesy, but remember you can do great things wherever you go. The future may surprise you and be better than you could have imagined.

Acceptance

I guess this is how it is.

Congratulations. You’ve made it to the end of the cycle. You may be left with lingering sadness and regret, but you have now come to terms with your result. This is the way things are going to be (and you should see by now, it’s not so bad!).

Now that you know what to expect, here are some generally healthy(ish) tips you can use to continue dealing with your grief:

Watch a movie/Netflix/YouTube/whatever you watch. I recommend wholesome baby animal videos or taking a Buzzfeed quiz.
Play video games or those phone games that you end up playing for two hours straight instead of doing homework.
Scroll mindlessly through your favorite social media. Sometimes it helps to find relatable memes from other people who have also been rejected
Take a bubble bath or other like things that make you feel relaxed. You deserve it after all the stress.
Once you feel up to human contact, go hang out with your friends. A lot of the time, being around people you like helps your mood.

Some things to remember:

You tried your best and it is not your fault that you didn’t get in.
Your life isn’t ruined. You have plenty of other options in your future.
You have people in your life who love you and will always be there to help you out.
You aren’t stuck where you are forever.
The rest of your life is still coming up and you’re going to do things you can’t imagine yet.

However you’re feeling, it’s okay. Just make sure you’re processing them in a healthy way. Remember that there are plenty of other options for you. Your life is far from over.