Dear Delilah #1 (new advice column)

Dear Delilah,

I’ve got one heck of a problem over here. You see, I’m in this journalism class, but I’m fairly certain that the teacher hates my GUTS! So this one time, I tried to write this really cool piece about reptiles within the US government, and she totally shut me down! She said some crap about having to have “a real story” with “factual information” and “legit sources.” What does that even mean? It’s a serious issue! Later on, she shot down my gummy bear revolution article! What’s the point of writing if you can’t expose the truth?

HELP!

-Concerned Writer

__________

Concerned Writer,

While I don’t believe that your teacher hates you, I do understand where she is coming from when she turns down those types of stories.

You see, exploiting government secrets is a serious issue and can be very risky for a high school newspaper.

I praise you for having such a sharp mind and not being fooled to believe our president is human and not a secret lizard person. I too have noticed that his eyes are slits and his skin appears to have distinct scales. However, it is essential that you, as a journalist, understand what you should and should not publish.

If the reptilian illuminati were to discover that you wish to share that information with the public, you and your fellow journalism classmates could be in considerable danger. I must side with your teacher and insist that you forget about it.

She is only looking out for you!

-Delilah