Physical Discipline: Right or Wrong?
“Spanking” is generally defined as hitting a child with an open palm somewhere where no serious physical harm is done; usually the buttocks. In some countries, spanking is frowned upon so heavily that it has been outlawed. According to stophitting.com, spanking is illegal in 33 countries around the world. In other countries, however, spanking is such an ordinary form of discipline that the idea of spanking being outlawed would be laughable to the average citizen. Some people feel that physical discipline is wrong under any circumstances and others believe that as long as love for the child is shown daily and the reason for discipline is explained, spanking is an acceptable way to show the child what is right or wrong.
Physical discipline was a very effective form of learning for me. In fact, it solidified my trust in my parents’ love for me and did not create fear or tension in our relationship. A key element to physical discipline, however, is making sure the child understands that there is something wrong with his or her actions; not with his or herself.
Dr. Tedd Tripp discourages the spontaneity of many parents’ frustration-driven spankings in his parental advice book “Shepherding a Child’s Heart.”
“Tell your child specifically what he has done or failed to do. There should be a specific attitude or incident that the spanking addresses,” said Tripp.
Tripp believes that making spanking organized and planned, the child will not have fear of their parents’ discipline. Parents should show that the situation is under control by telling the child how many swats he will receive. This shows the child that the parent is not about to lose control and hurt their child.
Humiliation is another reason that spanking can be traumatic and damaging for young children, and Dr. Tedd Tripp urges parents to respect their children’s privacy when it comes to punishment.
“Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken with in privacy. Discipline must not rob a child of his dignity. You should never discipline in front of the other children in the family. The object is not to humiliate the child; you show respect for him by giving him privacy,” said Tripp.
Another case for spanking is the idea that children actually enjoy boundaries. Katie Shea, who earned her masters degree in early childhood education at the University of Illinois, said, “It is important for children to understand the authoritative figure their parents represent. Believe it or not, young children yearn to have somebody in charge; it gives them a sense of security. And as that parent in charge, it is good to show children exactly where the boundaries are, so they can live more freely like in the playground fence metaphor.”
The “playground fence” to which Shea referred was an experimental study done with children on a playground involving boundaries. When a sturdy, chain-link face surrounded the school playground, children moved freely and enjoyed all of the space. Once the fence was removed however, the children stayed huddled in groups in the center, and rarely ventured out into other parts of the schoolyard.
A typical child loves playing outside, but is afraid to wander outside of familiar territory without a parent or guardian. This is a good and safe mindset to have as a small child, and the same mindset should apply to behavior.
I was spanked many times as a young child; I was quite a troublemaker. Not once can I remember my parents spanking me when I didn’t know I deserved it. First my parents would make sure that I saw what I had done, that I had seen why it had hurt somebody else, and told me how many times they would swat me with the little wooden spoon. If the actual swatting hadn’t been done, I probably would have continued the behaviors that hurt others because I knew the only consequence was a firm talking-to. After the spanking, I usually gave my mother or father a big hug while I calmed down, as they continued to explain to me why I shouldn’t repeat what I had done. During this whole process, the words “I love you” were heard very often. I still have a fantastic relationship with both of my parents, and I never remember being afraid of them as a small child.
As long as a child feels safe, loved, and unembarrassed physical discipline can have many positive effects on the growth and development of a young person.
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